|I conquered some demons. I celebrated|
with the Simpsons last week...
The scared, skinny boy who got his BFA in Acting is still there, but he's a lot stronger and more confident. I reconnected with people I thought I would never be able to speak to, again, and learned how to say, "I'm sorry." I also learned that it is okay to say, "I don't know." I'm also working at not assuming things any more, and not looking for validation from dates, jobs, graduate schools, et cetera. I'm embracing the fact that artistic life ebbs and flows. There is no rush to be in The Phantom of the Opera, for example. I'm trying to find stability and ways to save money, but that will come. Balance, balance, balance.
I still struggle with mental illness (OCD can grate me, and does make dating hard), and some days are very, very dark. But the sunshine I thought was ripped from me permanently in 2011 has found itself in my heart, again. As a result, those dark days with OCD are tempered with self-forgiveness and an ability to seek friends and activities that set me back on the path.
I won't be surprised the next time I have immense heartbreak or professional disappointment. I am sure it'll hurt just as much as last time. But I hope that the next time it happens I lose less hair (haha), I recover faster, and don't let the hurt deflect into self-pity. There is a great deal of worth in recognizing our humility. Humility is, truly, what makes us successful spiritually and emotionally. It is also what can save us from death, literally and figuratively.